Thank you next

So Ariana’s got me thinking lately. If you’re confused, take a moment to educate yourself on this queen before we continue. You will not be disappointed. Boom.

Moving on!

Call me a cheeseball, but I’m a firm believer in the go-to cliche your annoyingly optimistic friend uses right after you’ve been dumped.

Everything happens for a reason.

I know, hearing those words right after a major disappointment in life might make you want to egg said friend’s car. The truth can hurt just as bad as a whack on the head. Sometimes more.

Places, relationships, moments. We are here to experience exactly what we are experiencing right now.

I’d like to take a moment to reflect on these experiences, the romantic ones in particular. I find these to be the ones that break you down and test your patience above the rest.

Okay fine, kids might be a close second. But that is a whole different beast of a topic we will tackle another time.


To be clear, I am not a relationship expert. Quite the opposite. I am an expert at making a mess of relationships. I’m trying to figure them out just like the rest of you. Between childhood trauma baggage and the invasive age of social media, we’re basically all emotional wrecks, robots, or stuck somewhere in the middle. Throw some alcohol into the mix and you’ve got a full-blown shitstorm on your hands.

In the world of love, I have found two truths to be universal:

First, all heartbreak heals with time. It may feel like your world is crumbling in the moment but trust me, you will get over it.

And second, every failed romantic endeavor contains at least one significant lesson if you’re paying attention.


Some lessons are easy. Some teach us to let go. Some teach us about our preferences. Some break your spirit for a while before you’re able to build yourself back up. Some you might have to learn a couple times before really sinking in.


The question is are you paying attention?


With over a decade of dating experience under my belt, it is with great difficulty I present a list of random life lessons learned through dating my exes so you don’t have to:


  • Movie theater popcorn and peanut M&M’s are one of the best combinations of all time.
  • Also, Wendy’s fries dipped in Frosties. Fight me.

  • Seeing the sun rise or set every day is good for your health.

  • The grass is greenest where it’s watered.

  • Cheating is a coward’s way out.

  • Expectation often leads to disappointment.

  • It’s not nearly as satisfying getting flowers when you have to ask for them.

  • You suck at trusting people. We need to work on that.

  • Just because he is nice does not make him right for you.

  • Stop trying to fix him. All you’re doing is pissing you both off.

  • When a boy dumps you because you won’t go all the way with him, he’s the loser not you. Tyler from tenth grade, I’m looking at you.

  • You need to allow yourself time to heal between relationships. Otherwise you will do things like project the actions of three different men onto one poor sucker and he won’t stand a chance.

  • You do not deserve to be called derogatory names. I repeat, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE CALLED DEROGATORY NAMES.

  • If you’re worried about your man around your friends, dump the man not the friends.

  • Pay attention to the way he treats his mother.

  • Pay attention to the way he treats the waiter.

  • Be sure to tell him everything he’s doing right, not just what he’s doing wrong.

  • Don’t dull yourself for men who think you’re too much.

And finally,

  • Enjoy your own company above anyone else.

What are some lessons you’ve learned from past relationships? I would love to open the floor to reflection and discussion.


Chances are you aren’t alone. So have heart. Know your worth. And never settle.

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